waking up

do you ever have a morning when you wake up and realize that months have passed. really...where have the days weeks ect gone? I know that 3 or 4 years ago maybe four...everyday was an invigorating new adventure. i barely slept (insomnia yes my dear night friend). i managed to attend school, raise children, go on walks in the woods, on the beach, paint all night, or write, have a lover... the time spun around me like leaves on a fall wind storm. i was so sure that every moment was going to be just like this. swirling so fiercely that tears stung my face.
then i woke up and it is today. i have a great job and cute kids. i sleep most nights and when i don't i diligently attempt to sleep. i have not painted in at least 6 months, although i have about 10 painting ideas sitting at the centre of my brain waiting, waiting to be brought onto canvas. i have not written anything that was not academic or for work in a year but there are stories on the tip of my tongue every night while i lie awake.
my dreams i used to laugh aloud as i recorded them for some shrink somewhere to divine the meaning of when i published them in my old age. and here i am.
i will share a dream i had two nights ago...these days i am having rodent issues (again) and still have the phobia of the darn things. ah the stories about squirrels and SFU i could tell..
so hear was my dream, or part of it:
i am sitting at the bottom of a tree and two people are talking to the mice. i can hear their prayers as they sing the rodents out of the floor. then i realize that my legs are part of the trees and then i can feel the mice climbing to the surface of my skin. i can see them racing to find a way out as the singing gets louder. (i cannot remember the words but the power raised the hair on my neck and my stomach shuddered with the vibration of their voices). my legs split like bark that has grown too tight on the tree and the slivers splash outward. then the mice run. they scatter around and i cannot move because my legs are split open. but they leave and i fall into the arms of the singers. then i wake.

all day yesterday i thought i ought to write that out. but i could not find the inner energy to record it. this used to be one of my great pleasures..after nights of insomnia i would have some crazy relevant dream and i would race to open my computer or journal to catch every thought as it tumbled out of my sleepy head.

i think i need to find time to paint. i need to pull the creative juices out of head and through my fingertips...or maybe i will wake up and it will be 2012.

trip to ottawa and back again

NEADS conference was fabulous! I am happy to be ending my term as the BC rep. It has been a great two years but I am feeling out of the loop as it has been over a year since my grad and i think that having a current student is a good idea! I will miss many aspects of the board, including the amazing people i worked with.
Had a blast at the conference itself and hope to keep in touch with all the new friends. thank the geeks for facebook and the amazing ability to instantly reconnect and be in touch! I look forward to working with all these individuals in the near future.
now as for the trip home...what torture, I was crammed into such a small seat and one the first leg of the trip, the women beside me were peanut fiends and after i asked them not to eat their bags (no joke) of peanuts on the trip they proceeded to discuss the difficulty it was for them to refrain from the peanuts and asked the flight attended several times before take up to please confirm that the flight was full and that i could not be moved. and they commented over and over on what a hard thing it must be for me to be allergic. all i could think--please forgive me i was tired--is that it would not be such a hardship if people refrained from eating peanuts in closed spaces (many people have this allergy!) AND it would not be nearly so trying for me if they would simply stop discussing it! normally i find people to be much more understanding about allergies and i also find these opportunities great to educate people on how they can make their world safer for persons with allergies.
sooo then on the second leg of the trip...the woman right beside me was wearing a LOT of perfume. I had already taken benadryl the first leg just to be safe so i had to re-dose myself. so i got a lot of sleep on the planes.
Ah and work...came home to a list of things to do. I am looking forward to writing an article for the DAWN-RAFH Newsletter on my trip to Toronto last month and the presentation i made there. (For ARM conference)
also I am compiling a "fact sheet" on violence against WWD. I am trying to keep on top of the stats can site so that I will immediately see when they get the stats on WWD for 2006 up.
the boys are great. they were happy to have me home and so were the doggies. so nice to walk into a house of hugs and kisses (of the boy and the dog kind)